Sometimes we feel we have to have an explanation or an excuse for everything.  Such a belief can be dangerous in leading us into lying and not being true to ourselves.

For declining an invitation:  
If you are invited to a party to which you really do not want to attend, do you dream up an excuse or do you go anyway afraid you will hurt the hostess by not attending?  People will say “I am going out of town” when they are not going anywhere or suddenly feel they have to go away to keep honest.  It would be appropriate to say “Thank you for inviting me, however, I will not be attending.”  If you have a reason for not attending that you would like to share, then do so.

For extending an invitation:  
It’s not necessary to press for an explanation.  If you want to respect another’s decision, it’s best to let them volunteer an explanation.  When they do, accept it without judgment.  You can be gracious to say, “We will miss you.”  There is no need to pull guilt.  If it is ok for a last minute acceptance, then offer it as an option otherwise let the decision stand.

This is one area of respecting boundaries that need to be learned.  As we respect other’s decisions, we become healthier in making our own decisions firm.

Do you find yourself making excuses for others?  
“She is having a bad day.  Her father was an alcoholic”.  When other people’s actions hurt us or disappoint us, we often make excuses for them to assuage the hurt.  Excuses do not address hurt.  Learn to forgive them quickly for their offence so hurt cannot fester.  “I forgive her for ignoring me.  I forgive her for being quick tempered,” would be more appropriate for a good relationship than the excuses.