Expectations and boundaries make life easier to keep us on track.  Both are needed.

Expectations are measures we set up for others to meet.  We expect others to be courteous, respectful, on time, efficient, smiling, happy, and even helpful.  When they do not meet up to our expectations, we can become disappointed, sad, angry, depressed or even resentful.  If a girl expects her beau to send flowers and he does not, her expectations are not met and she can either go into a tizzy or a funk.  If a husband expects his wife to have dinner ready when he gets home, hungry as a bear, he might get angry and resentful.  In any case, unmet expectations plant negative seeds in our hearts.  The best antidote for unmet expectations is forgiveness.  Forgive others for not meeting your expectations.

It’s always a good thing to check your expectations.  Are they realistic?  Can they really be met or are you in fantasy land?  Can you really be in two places at the same time?  Can you husband always remember your anniversary in the right way?  Forgive yourself for putting unrealistic expectations on others or yourself.

Boundaries are safety measures we set up for ourselves.  If we do not have boundaries, we will allow others to take advantage of us.  Do you have a limit on how much time is spent on casual chit chat?  Do you let others speak to you disrespectfully?  Can you say “no” without having to explain yourself?  Can you say “no thank you” to someone who pesters you?  These are just a few boundaries that we need to set up for ourselves in order to keep self-respect and self-honor.

Others will honor you if honor yourself.  One of the pitfalls is to believe that you have to accept anything anyone throws at you as a measure of “love.”  Not so.  It is more loving to stop someone from sinning against you than to let them continue.  Of course this is a matter of common sense too.  If someone threatens to steal your car, then your boundaries are useless.  But I am talking about everyday life among family, friends, and co-workers.  If you don’t want to go to the movies with someone, tell them so or make yourself unavailable rather than go anyway and hate yourself afterward.  If you don’t want someone borrowing your car or clothing, or tools, don’t let them no matter how much they beg.  That is keeping boundaries.

Know that boundaries must also be realistic.  If you do not allow anyone into your home or car, don’t be surprised if you feel isolated.  Don’t complain about being isolated.  If you don’t ever want to use public restrooms, your travels will be limited.  If you only want to be among certain kinds of people, your circle of friends will be limited.

Also be mindful of respecting the boundaries of others.  If someone does not want to go to horror movies with you, respect that and don’t ridicule them.  If they turn down an invitation to a party without explanation, respect their decision and don’t pester them.  You will be crossing their boundaries.

The prime example of boundary crossing is telephone the salespeople who launch into pushing a product you are not interested in, consuming your precious time.  Do not be afraid to interrupt and politely say “No thank I am not interested” then hang up.  There is no need to be rude, just firm.

If you are unhappy about your expectations or boundaries, reevaluate them to see if they are realistic.  They may need changing, but don’t give them up.  They are important for order in your life.  Remember, expectations are what you set up for others.  Boundaries are what you set up for yourself.

Jesus had boundaries when the people pressed him to stay and heal the sick.  He said he must go to other towns to preach.  Jesus expected Peter, James, and John to stay awake and pray with him in the Garden of Gethsemane, but they could not.  Nevertheless, he stayed on track for his purpose and destiny.